Dear Darlin'
by SuranneKeeleyBeauchamp
Summary: Sam writes Connie a letter after four years of not seeing her. His letter is based around the song by Olly Murs, 'dear darlin'


**Sam writes a letter to Connie after he gets the 5 year clear from Cancer and realises what he wants from the rest of his life. **

_Dear darlin', please excuse my writing. I can't stop my hands from shaking 'Cause I'm cold and alone tonight._

Connie,

Firstly I apologise for my shoddy handwriting, that's what you do to me darling. Being away from you the past few years has possibly been one of the worst decisions I have made, as since being in America, all I've done is sit and look at photographs of you and Grace, wondering what you're both up to.

_I miss you and nothing hurts like no you. And no one understands what we went through. It was short. It was sweet. We tried._

I know that we did our fair share of arguing, and that we had a fair share of disagreements, but we tried, tried so hard. We went through so much together in a short time, and no one can say that we didn't try. The short time we did spent together at the beginning was heavenly and sweet, your aroma still fills my emotions, and I find myself calling out for you in my sleep, needing you close, unable to sleep with you beside me.

_And if my words break through the wall and meet you at your door, all I can say is Girl, I mean them all._

I know you hold a barrier up to the rest of the wall; you're too scared to let anyone in and I want to be the person to knock it down, make you hear what I think, show you that I am not here to change you, I want you as you, I want you to trust in me, have confidence in the love I have in you. I don't want you to feel alone anymore Con. Every single word I say is the truth, I can't turn the feeling I had, can't deny them anymore my love.

_Dear darlin', please excuse my writing_ ._I can't stop my hands from shaking 'Cause I'm cold and alone tonight. I miss you and nothing hurts like no you. And no one understands what we went through. It was short. It was sweet. We tried. We tried._

I remember the way you held me when I told you I had the all clear from the cancer, the way you sat beside my bed when I was ill, and forgave me for all the unkind things I had said. I remember the sadness in your eyes the moment I told you about the vicious illness, and the fact I hadn't told you was what I think upset you the most. I never told you, but I saw your face when I started getting closer to Maria, it looked crushed and alone, an image I have never been able to rid myself of.

_Been thinking about the bar we drank in. Feeling like the sofa was sinking. I was warm in the hope of your eyes._

I've you down Con, and for that I am so sorry. I promised I would always be there for you and Grace, and yet how can I do that halfway across the world? That day when you fell over whilst pregnant, I made every promise under the sun, desperate for you to allow me to be a father again, correct my past mistakes, the look of hope in your eyes, the look that said you wanted me around, and that you trusted me. I ruined that trust, and I can never be sorry enough.

_So if my words break through the wall to meet you at your door, All I can say is "Girl, I mean them all." Dear darlin', please excuse my writing. I can't stop my hands from shaking 'Cause I'm cold and alone tonight. I miss you and nothing hurts like no you. And no one understands what we went through. It was short. It was sweet. We tried._

I want to be able to make it all better, hold you when you are tired, cuddle you when you are sad, wipe away the tears that I know fall, even if you pretend they don't. I want to be able to look at you first thing in the morning, and tell you that I have never seen anything more beautiful in my life. I want us to go to Grace's parent's evenings together, take her on holiday, show her the world, whilst discovering it ourselves. I want it all.

_Oh I can't cope. These arms are yours to hold. And I miss you and nothing hurts like no you. And no one understands what we went through. It was short. It was sweet. We tried. We tried._

I love You Constance.

Take care my love,

Sam X


End file.
